Saturday, September 8, 2012

Buna seara si la revedere

“Welcome to the world behind [her] eyes.” - Rotersand

This past Saturday, I took part in an experiential art piece. I met someone, fell in love, and lost her. All in the space of five hours. And I never knew her name.

“Typical one night stand?

No, not quite. It wasn't just about physical attraction. Or mindless, no-consequences rutting. Nor was it about 'another notch in my belt.'

Nor was I deluded somehow as to what was going on. I knew from the very beginning that she was leaving, just as she knew. Neither of us was under the misapprehension that we were beginning something that would last longer than the moonlight.

Indeed, it was a celebration of the transitory nature of reality. A penetration of the illusion of permanence. We met, knew one another, and parted ways in a way with no preconceptions of 'forever'.

All too often, we become preoccupied with the future. We assume the choices we make will create some sort of permanent change, and we feel as though we have to accept those consequences. We assume that we will be irrevocably changing state (and, in a way, we are, of course). “I can't have you in my life right now.” “What does this mean?” “Where are we going?” “Will I get hurt?”

“Will I get hurt?” Yes, it was bittersweet to see her leave. Yes, in a way, I will always love her. But pain is not to be afraid of. Losing is not the end of everything. We will both go on. Cats learn to always fall on their feet; as a consequence, they are fearless about walking a precarious path in high places. Sometimes, as Shinto teaches, losing and the passing away of the present is beautiful.

“Welcome to a land that knows goodbye.” - Rotersand

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